There’s Comfort in Staying Small
I remember years ago listening to a podcast with Brené Brown that discussed the fact that when you are bold and speak your authentic story, that it’s not always rosey and it doesn’t always feel heroic. In fact, I recall her talking about how she would read all the comments people had, many that were filled with criticism, and begin to feel shame.
After her first TED talk where she spoke about the power of vulnerability, she introduced a term “vulnerability hangover” to explain the intense feeling you get after you share your vulnerable story and know you can’t go back to your safe comfort place where you were prior to telling your truth. The analogy used was an arena, and once you walked through the doors of the arena with courage, you could never go back to playing it small. My experience has validated that stepping out in courage usually felt so empowering that I never wanted to go back to the person I was on the other side of the arena door.
Recovering Perfectionist
I like to think of myself as a recovering perfectionist who spent so many years of my life conforming to the societal rules and expectations others had for me as well as the expectations I placed on myself in order to please others. My work in the Daring Way™ teaching concepts of shame resilience has been life-giving to me. The freedom I found in sharing my messy story helped propel me into my private practice, and then allowed me the opportunity to impact so many men and women who recognized that I could understand them and help change their perspective of themselves.
I admit that I have felt very bold in my message and story up until 2020 when my life was rocked again with uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. I realize today that I have been living smaller than I want to live in my business because of the fear of going all in with the boldness that it really requires to reach the amount of people I want to reach with my authentic story.
Speaking Engagement
I’m a member of a larger women’s networking organization called Polkadot Powerhouse and have been slated to speak in January at 4 of our meetings. I chose a safe topic 5 months ago that was in my wheelhouse and comfortable for me to teach like polyvagal theory and mood regulation. Yet over the past few months I was feeling as if the universe was hitting me with the message I really wanted to share. Yet I was afraid that the women in this organization, in Idaho specifically, might not be ready for this message. So I began calling friends that were members and sharing what was on my heart, and I was getting very mixed messages as well as feeling their own reservations about this heartfelt authentic story.
Yet again, the universal energy and my quiet moments in prayer kept laying this topic on my heart and it’s been spinning my mind during the night. I thought, why am I so afraid to share my heart and the journey of supporting my son’s transition? It wasn’t about politics or the intent to change people’s minds or beliefs. Yet it was more about educating and informing women, and other mothers of my own humanness as I was faced with something I didn’t understand.
Yet I feel passionate that my story as a mother who wanted to do this right mattered! Myles’s story of humanity mattered! Our family beliefs, values, deconstruction of old beliefs, organizations, and friends who couldn’t align with us mattered. The process of embracing the authenticity of the experience and the boldness that it required to walk through the messy into this beautiful unfolding story also mattered!
Recent Conference Insights
I just returned from an incredible weekend with amazing sisters in this sisterhood organization. I listened to leaders who were bold in their messages and in the work they believed in. I got the opportunity to speak with women local and from across the country who didn’t know me, and share my vulnerability. The support for leaning in and walking into my truth was overwhelmingly positive.
I even met with an incredible friend who had a “Decision Lab” at the event. She asked me if I had a decision to make and I said “yes.” Then I closed my eyes and she reached back and grabbed a t-shirt from a pile of shirts with very different messages on them. She said, “There will be something in this message that will speak to you and help you answer your question.” I opened up the t-shirt and the message read “Bold, Imperfect, Action!” I got my answer.
Podcasting
In 2021 I had the internal wisdom that I was supposed to start a podcast. Myles and I secured a URL and met with a colleague who is a pastor and who had an amazing perspective that aligned with my mission to hear real stories and help facilitate vulnerable conversations. Life got busy and we all just put it on the back burner. 2 weeks ago I received an accidental Venmo from Pastor Sharon in error. I notified her and we worked to reverse the transaction. Yet I knew in my soul that it was not by chance that we were reconnected…even if it was for a random error.
Then the event I just returned from was very focused on the power of podcasting to get your message out there and to bring to life the stories that could have a ripple effect in not only helping educate others, but to support the true stories of walking into uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. So I am writing this today to inform my tribe that I am following through and will pursue the next steps to get started, regardless how small this first step is. By speaking it into the universe I have pledged to follow through with my own accountability to this process. The message of Bold, Authentic, and Action in particular will be my guiding principles to keep the Why behind my purpose alive.
I hope if you are feeling similar callings and stirings in your life that you too will lean into Bold Authentic Action regardless of your fear.