Life Transitions
If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What AM I Doing in the Pits?
– Erma Bombeck
When Life Doesn’t Go as Expected
Sandwich Generation
Brenda and John had just launched their youngest daughter out of the nest and off to college. “Finally, some peace and well-deserved relaxation,” sighed Brenda.
But wait, Brenda’s mother was diagnosed two months later with Alzheimer’s disease, and the cost of care was outrageous. Now Brenda’s trying to work from home and take care of her mom who wanders, is agitated and combative. To add to the stress… their oldest daughter announced she was getting divorced and needed a place to stay with her three-year-old son until she could get “back on her feet.”
50- to 60-year-olds are finding themselves sandwiched between aging parents, adult children, and grandchildren. Stress, financial burden, and caregiver-burnout have replaced the Joys of Empty Nesting. There’s guilt and conflicting feelings about what you want and what you feel is your familial duty.
Laid Off in Your 50s
Paul
“For 25 years, I’ve had somewhere to be every day before 8 a.m. I can’t believe they could get rid of me that easily. After all these years of service… where’s the loyalty? That young college grad might work for half my salary, but he will never have my work ethic.”
Late career layoffs place victims in a trap. You’re not old enough or ready to retire, yet companies don’t want to invest in you for fear of training and having you leave in a few years. Financial consequences are long term. Workers unemployed for six months or longer usually find themselves in need of accepting lower wages and then having to postpone retirement. This is devastating and leads to feelings of low self-esteem and depression.
He Found a New Love
Laura
“This can’t be happening to me. We raised three children, I took care of his mother, and I put my career on hold, so he could follow his dream. Seriously, and now he tells me he’s in love with another woman who’s 20 years younger than me. What am I going to do? Everyone knows us as the ‘perfect happy family.’ I don’t know how to face my neighbors.”
Divorce isn’t always a mutual decision. There’s a process of grief, loss, and a journey toward acceptance of a new identity that must occur. The goal is to transition gracefully, without bitterness, resentment, and a belief that you are “Not Good Enough.”
Navigating Transition
Some transitions happen without warning, as in the case of accidents, death, divorce, job loss or serious illness. Guilt can accompany transition when there is a discrepancy between what you desire at this stage in life and the burden of responsibility to support a family member in crisis.
When you’ve lost control, taking the wheel and steering yourself on a new course can be very empowering. Yet, fear of the unknown can be paralyzing. Even after a decision to move forward is made, momentum can be halted by negative self-talk.
It’s time to learn some tools to rebuild your life and rediscover something new about yourself.