Chronic Mistrust
In May 2021’s edition of Psychology Today, Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D. wrote an article called A Leap of Faith that really helps bring language to relational mistrust. She said:
“Chronic mistrust, a common aftereffect of trauma or betrayal, breeds paranoia and loneliness. Taking steps to restore one’s faith in others is an act of courage that bolsters social connection and emotional well-being.”
Scripts
We all have scripts in our heads regarding common experiences. When we go to the doctor, we check-in at reception, sit in a waiting room, get roomed and expect our temperature and blood pressure to be taken prior to meeting with the doctor. There is a sequence of events that take place and we know the script because we’ve been exposed to it.
Childhood Scripts
Children in healthy family structures likely learn a script that looks something like this: I get hurt or upset; my parents comfort me; I feel better.
But many experience a different script. Instead, they learn: I get hurt or upset; someone gets mad and or blames me; I feel worse. Or: I get hurt or upset; no one notices; I am alone.
Adult Mistrusting Scripts
If an adult carries a distrusting script, they are often stuck with a belief system that separates them from the rest of the world. The belief may be self focused such as “if I trust someone, they’ll see the real me and reject me.” They can also be outwardly focused, such as “If I love someone, they’ll leave; if I trust someone, they’ll betray me,” or “I can’t depend on others, I can only count on myself.”
EMDR for Rewriting Scripts
In order to rewrite the script in your head, we can go back into your childhood memory and allow you to reconnect to the painful emotions that were associated with your experience. When we feel our way through the emotions, we often also learn additional information we didn’t know before. When our perspective shifts, our beliefs change as well, freeing us to start to trust others and take risks moving forward.
Willing to Let Go of the Old Script
In order for something to change, individuals must be willing to get courageous and step into the discomfort of a new script. For some, the old script has become such an ingrained part of their personality and even identity, that they might fear letting go of it as they’re not really sure who they would be without that identity. Those that embrace the process are able to embrace the new script!
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