Today I’m writing about not only a theme that I have been seeing in my practice, but also something I have personally struggled with at times. Sometimes the desire to be authentic feels like it’s in direct conflict with your authenticity. Many of us have encountered the polarization of individuals in our friend, work or community groups, and some have also seen divides in family member’s who can’t accept differing opinions.
Feeling like you belong to any particular group if you share differing opinions, especially if those in the group can’t hold space to listen and engage without judgment, might be unsafe. Sometimes the desire to be liked or fit in wins over our courage to be authentic.
In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown states “there’s a risk involved in putting your true self out in the world. But I believe there’s even more risk in hiding yourself and your gifts from the world.” Unfortunately when we hide our true feelings from the world, we increase feelings of shame and loneliness. In fact, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addictions, rage, blame, resentment, and grief, often arise from our inability to be authentic with both ourselves and others.
How Labels Impact Belonging
What impact do labels have on a sense of belonging in today’s world? Let’s throw a few labels out and just notice how your body responds. If I tell you I’m a Social Worker, a very specific image comes to mind. Some will make assumptions about beliefs, behaviors, and even political affiliation based on that label alone. If I tell you I’m Christian, some of you will feel safe and connected based on the story you tell yourself about what it means to be Christian. Others of you will form a different opinion based off of your own experience and or what you’ve been conditioned to believe about Christians. Now if I tell you I have a gay daughter and a transgendered son, well now some of you who liked a previous label, may struggle to still accept me into your group.
So you see how quickly labels and perceptions can be influenced by just a few words? It’s no wonder in today’s world of Not Enough, we can all find ourselves in the land of the misfits, floundering around trying to make sense of where we fit. The one thing I know to be true through it all…is the need to live in authenticity, regardless whether it’s popular or causes you to be ostracized from a particular group. Sacrificing who we are for the sake of making other people comfortable is definitely not worth it!
So I encourage you to practice authenticity which may also mean you have to redefine some of your affiliations and or reset some perceptions of what it means to be a part of a particular group. We are all on this journey of life together, but in effort to live in my own authenticity, I choose to surround myself with people who can hold space for all of me without judgment.