Nothing brings more satisfaction to a productivity driven individual than a sense that they have accomplished what they set out to do. In an effort to try to control time, efficiency, and ensure that everything that spins inside your head gets done…the thought of creating and completing tasks seems like the Golden Ticket to peace and joy. Yet negative self talk often arises when we can’t seem to get everything on the list accomplished. Then we resort to resentment, anger, and blame of others for why we can’t get everything done. The problem is the way we are going about it is all wrong.
So many of my clients come in with this complaint and state “I really want more joy and fun but there’s “never enough time in the day.” As a recovering “Overfunctioner” as Harriet Learner called it, I know all too well the dissatisfaction that ensues when our internal need “to do” is a condition of our happiness. The irony is that the “To Do List” is a herculean task that could never be accomplished. Therefore, there’s never going to be time for fun or joy because the “To Do List” is never done!
So how do we start living with joy and embrace fun in our daily grind?
Well, we need to determine our values that drive us and the values that provide the serenity and joy we so desperately seek. The problem is that we are our worst critics. It’s easier to blame others for what they’re not doing and self sabotage ourselves unconsciously, then it is to stand up and ask for what we need. Then we find ourselves so out of balance and angry with others who know how to laugh and experience joy. The reality is our own shame for knowing we don’t give ourselves permission to feel joy, only fuels the emotion. Then if our loved ones say “chill out” or “stop being a nag” watch out! The cycle of anger, the explosion of emotions, and then feelings of “not good enough” creep back into our negative self talk.
Here are a few Quick Tips to stop the insanity!
1) Determine the Values that guide you in 8 spheres of wellness (emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical, environmental, financial, occupational, and social)
2) Identify where you are out of balance and find ways to shift
3) Learn to get curious about your emotions and discover what’s yours to own and what belongs to someone else
4) Take time for self care including morning mindset rituals that center you for the day and help you organize realistic goals/tasks
5) Ensure you start every day and end every day with gratitude and recognize where you won for the day
6) Seek professional help for accountability and exploration of the negative core beliefs that get in your way
As a Certified Daring Way Facilitator of Brené Brown’s Daring Way work on shame resilience and trained EMDR therapist, I can help you desensitize the emotions attached to shame.