Empty Nester Friending
I’ve been an empty nester now since the end of 2018 and found that my once-packed schedule drastically changed when the kids were gone. While I appreciated the quiet in the beginning…just to breathe a bit, I began longing for the people I called my local friends to do life with. Moving to Idaho was a great choice for us, but it came with the isolation of leaving our local friend network, and working for myself where I didn’t have the opportunity to be around anyone other than my clients.
I found myself like many of my clients who long for the connection and friendships of others they can walk, hike, bike, go out to lunch with, and even taste wine with. In my neighborhood I have made many acquaintances, but also often people in different stages of life than me. Most of the people I’ve met either still have kids and their weekends don’t belong to them, or they are retired and traveling all the time. Ugh! Where are the people still working who can’t go wine tasting at noon on Tuesday?
Making Friends Takes Courage
I’ve learned that in order to meet people I needed to make a commitment to joining local groups and trying to meet other business owners and people with similar interests so I’m not twiddling my thumbs or binge watching Netflix alone. It’s scary putting yourself out there. Trying to invite people out and not feel “weird” or “needy” as many of my clients can attest to is not as easy as it was when we were in school, or had parents along the sideline of sports to get to know.
We still have close friends in California and time stands still when we’re apart. Yet they’re not here to do my regular life events with. While I’m blessed to have great long-term friendships, I also know that for me to feel whole, I needed to work on making new friends locally.
So like everything else that I teach and model, I had to live this out in my own life. I joined the Eagle Chamber of Commerce and have met a few people this way, but most of the work I do there is Celebrating other business owners and hasn’t given me the opportunity to really meet people and find women my age to get authentic with and really do life with. Yet, while at an Eagle Chamber event, I learned of a group of women entrepreneurs who were doing life together in a very deliberate way. Curiosity got me to look further into this organization and I am so glad I did.
Polkadot Powerhouse
Albeit, I’m not a fan of the name…but so far I have found a wonderful network of genuine women who want to find other women like them too. It’s been such fun seeing this tribe of women plan events, where everyone is welcome, and where you can, on the spur of the moment, find people interested in paddle boarding, hiking, biking, spa days, etc. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before. I wouldn’t even have known it existed if I hadn’t been at another networking event where I learned about it. So now, my schedule is full and is looking to be something that I will really get the opportunity to embrace. I even got a Big Sister (kinda of like a sorority sister) and I’m really excited to begin to foster new friendships and relationships here in my hometown, at this stage of my life, which will make me feel more connected and engaged.
30 Seconds of Courage
It’s not likely that real friends will just arrive in front of you. No, unfortunately, finding people that you want to get more vulnerable with and share life with…where conversations are deep and not superficial, takes some work. Yet, in order to find these people, we need to have 30 seconds of courage to ask someone to coffee or to invite them with you somewhere. It is a process, and sometimes a slow process, so you need to be dedicated to your goals and keep showing up authentically in order to find the friendships that are worth working towards.