Bashing Without Context
In the past week I witnessed some very interesting behavior between adults in a Facebook group who responded vehemently to something that was posted. A mother had posted her concern for a TED Talk that was shown in her child’s middle school class that she was not in agreement with. While the mother posted the TED Talk link, she didn’t actually express what she was concerned with, just that she didn’t want her child exposed to the content that was discussed.
Within seconds, parents started jumping in with extreme suggestions including “firing the middle school teacher” who had shown this 5 minute TED Talk clip. Multiple parents chimed in with similar requests to report and even get this teacher fired. I just sat back and grew curious about the behavior and even what the content was that caused so much ruckus. I had assumed that whatever the content was had crossed some type of moralistic value for these parents, but couldn’t be completely sure until I watched it myself.
Voice of Reason
The next day a voice of reason posted that he had “watched the TED Talk and that he had found nothing truly offensive with it, nor did he appreciate that so many people had been so quick to judge this teacher, and fight to try to get her fired.” He noted that people needed to be slow to judge, obtain all the facts before responding, and even humanized the teacher stating “she probably has a family and her financial contribution to the family would be completely destroyed” if wrongly accused.
The responses that followed the voice of reason were beyond hateful, and filled with strong words that definitely exemplified these individuals’ perception of “normal” versus their opinions of “others” with which they were referring to people both on the spectrum and within the LGBTQIA community. Some even made vast overgeneralizations about how “we all moved here to leave the liberal beliefs at our previous states.” The irony was that so many people were hurt by the discussion within the group, and it made the group itself unsafe for those who shared differing opinions.
The TED Talk
This was a TED Talk from September 2014 and I watched it after all the chaos just to see what brought up so much contention and judgment. It was a beautiful account of a woman’s story about her struggle with autism, and her brother’s autism experiences. She really wanted to acknowledge that once she leaned into her authenticity and acknowledged her strengths rather than her difference from what others identified as “normal” that she actually started to love herself and recognize she had so many special gifts rather than seeing herself as an outcast or someone who should be perceived as less than.
I thought her talk was empowering and freeing to so many people who feel similarly that they don’t fit the mold or the expectations of what someone else has deemed “normal.” She made reference to the idea that if normal is what everyone else is, why wouldn’t you want to be something different…or more extraordinary? She spoke about not being kept in a box, and seeking to look outside of the confines of the lines someone else identified. She made reference to similar experiences for people within the LGBTQIA community. At no time did she force her agenda, or any beliefs that would cause anyone who didn’t already align with a marginalized population to decide to join it.
All of it just got me thinking about the individuals who felt so threatened by this. Why? What was it about them that caused them to be so hateful and angry about someone’s growth and acceptance of themselves? Was it fear? Ignorance? Or maybe just a strong conviction of their right and wrong.
Dangers of Judgment
Clearly those who found offense to this talk, were living in a place of fear. Fear drives so much hate, and can also unfold into what I got to experience in that Facebook group, as people who were not educated and ignorant about the facts…just throwing out blame, accusations, and trying to rally other supporters who had similar beliefs.
Anytime, someone makes overgeneralizations about even the members within a community Facebook group’s political beliefs, moralistic beliefs, etc., just because the state they live in is more conservative…it makes my skin crawl. Everyone has individual beliefs and none of us are the same, regardless. I think the teacher’s intent was to help so many of the students who do feel ostracized and different to feel more empowered to lean into their true selves and find freedom in their authenticity.
As a mental health therapist in a conservative state, I have seen the impact first-hand on the mental well-being of teens whose families, religious organizations, and communities don’t see them, or won’t allow them to lean into their authenticity. To pretend that this isn’t the case only contributes to an already very fragile group of teens and adults. I wish we lived in a society where curiosity and compassion were at the front of every discussion. Yet I can only control what I can, and help bring education and or support to those who live in harsh environments where they are told they have to be, look, perform, and live in a way that the greater majority has defined as “normal.”
To all the mental health professionals out there who pick up the pieces and see individuals for who they really are, with all their beauty, regardless of whether their family systems do…I salute you. We certainly will continue to have our work cut out for us.