It’s Almost Here
We’re 5 days away from Christmas and then all the hustle and bustle will be over. Before Amazon and all the independent stores’ online shopping options, I remember the stress of going from store to store, searching for that perfect gift for everyone. It was overwhelming trying to do all the shopping, and create that perfect holiday experience that brought Joy to the faces of family. Well…then there were those who I never seemed to please, and despite all my effort, whatever I chose to buy somehow was never quite right!
I Must Have Missed The Memo
I spent years getting up and standing out in the cold in enormous lines, hoping not to be run over by shopping carts as everyone seriously plowed through stores trying to get the last of that “best deal.” One year I was hunting for a PlayStation 4 and when Target opened their doors I ran with the herd of people rushing through the door with my cart towards the electronic section, only to learn that the PlayStation 4s weren’t in the electronic sections for this sale, but rather they were in the women’s lingerie section! What? By the time I got to the lingerie section, the line was a mile long and I remember being so disappointed and angry that I didn’t know that there was a plan and map of where “Big Ticket” items would be. I thought, how did everyone know that? Where was that memo and how did I not get it?
The past few years I’ve really enjoyed shopping from my computer with a cup of coffee by the fireplace. Online shopping maybe takes some of the Christmas spirit away, but it really works well for my nervous system!
Holiday Chaos and Stress
I have heard many stories this season and in the past of people not being able to afford Christmas and feeling obligated to meet the demands of family expectations. It’s such a difficult situation to feel that you need to match the same level of giving as others. It’s supposed to be a time of Joy and giving out of love, not out of necessity or expectation.
What would asking for what we need look like? What if we could say “I’m feeling pressure to meet expectations for gift giving that exceed my financial means.” What if we could be brave enough to tell our family that “this has been a hard year financially, and that we don’t have the financial resources to buy everyone a gift.” What would suggesting a Secret Santa Gift Exchange look and feel like?
Holiday Transitions From Traditions
This year we proposed a Secret Santa gift exchange with our family. Yes, it feels weird for me not to give to all our family members, but at the same time, I know two of my three kids are broke college students, and that they don’t have the resources to buy gifts right now. If they did, I’d probably have to pay for it anyway…so really what is the point?
Just because your family has traditionally done Christmas one way, with expectations that might cause you stress, it doesn’t mean that you need to give in and do things that exceed your budget or will cause you to be a slave to creditors. Yet it does require you to take an honest inventory of your finances and determine what you have to spend. It’s also good to take a mental assessment of your energy and emotional bandwidth. Then you need to get curious and find clarity on what conversations you might need to engage in, to prevent yourself from unnecessary stress and even resentment toward family members or organizations for saying Yes when you really wanted to say No.
It’s Gonna Be A Quiet Christmas
I honestly love having all my kids together for Christmas, but this year with inflation and the cost of flights, along with 2 upcoming trips to California for a Wedding and another family event in January and February, it just wasn’t reasonable to expect them to all be here. It was our choice to move out of state, but I guess I never imagined the impact for holidays. As our kids get older and they have jobs and responsibilities, as well as splitting time with partner’s families, I have learned that I don’t always get to have them for Christmas.
I have my right shoulder rotator cuff surgery this week, and therefore it was really necessary to make different choices this year. It was important that I not feel compelled to entertain others, and ensure that I get the quiet time to heal properly from another big surgery. So it’s gonna be a peaceful and quiet Christmas. I already made my homemade Lasagna and just froze it today, so that the family that is here can just pop it in the oven on Christmas Eve. I’m going to exercise patience and learn to ask for help this holiday season.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays
Whatever your holiday looks like, and whatever you’re feeling this season, it’s important that you stay grounded in your truth and your values. If you start to feel yourself being pulled in a direction that doesn’t feel genuine, or increases your stress, it’s entirely possible that you need to pause, take a moment, and get curious about what’s out of sync. Once you can slow down the thoughts and get clear on your needs, it’s important to circle back into conversation with the people you love and set boundaries for what your needs are.
I wish you a very joyful holiday and a Happy New Year!