I Have Greater Empathy
I remember listening to stories of my neighbors at gatherings as they all kvetched about their peri and menopausal struggles. I think I turned a deaf ear to the situation as I really just didn’t understand, nor did I want to forecast what my future was to hold. Fast forward 7 years and I’m smack dab in the middle of this lovely experience!
I used to be a health coach and couldn’t understand when older women discussed the hormone shift and the impact it was wreaking on their shifting body with weight gain in places they never thought was possible. But here I am…years into this process and now with a completely different level of empathy for all those who blazed the trail before me.
Emotional Adaptation
There is a huge emotional adaptation to not only the physical changes that occur with this so-called “right of passage.” Not only do you have to find your escape route when the hot flash comes out of nowhere in a public place, but the endless awakening at nighttime with hot and cold…covers off…covers on… makes for an eventful and sleepless night. I remember being at an evening event meeting with a bunch of new friends when my body started to perspire and I could feel the sweat starting to drip from my hairline. I had to get out of that room. It wasn’t a panic attack…but was a sensation of complete heat that made me frantically search for the escape route…in order to find a cool place to regulate my temperature and then return to the event.
Shifts in Hormones and Workouts
The weight just kept piling on. The more I worked out and the harder I dieted…the less the scale moved. I recognized that all the HIIT, Crossfit, and cardio runs that I used to do were actually placing more stress on my body and increasing the cortisol levels which added to weight gain. Yikes! That’s all I knew for the greater part of my adult life. So when people started to talk about shifting your workouts, doing less stressful work outs, and more movement I was skeptical. It’s been ingrained in me for as long as I can remember that if I wasn’t pushing hard, sweating to death, and out of breath…it wasn’t doing anything.
Today, I’m learning that pilates, walking, hiking, and yoga seem to be better for my body. I’ve moved to intermittent fasting as it seems to be helping with metabolism shifts. Hormone replacement such as estrogen and progesterone are also helping, despite my desire not to be on them.
Let’s Talk About Sex
I know it’s something we don’t talk about much…but ladies, if we were to get really honest…menopause has some ugly effects on our sex life. When estrogen levels diminish, vaginal tissues lose lubrication and elasticity, making intercourse more painful. It can also lead to more urinary and vaginal infections. Then there’s loss of tissue tone…which can lead to urinary incontinence! Sweet Jesus…really?
Now the decreasing fertility is certainly a plus! But you can be assured that when my OBGYN told me “you’re in menopause” and the likelihood of getting pregnant is really small…I told her “Look…you better be 100% sure, because my youngest is 22 years old and I’m not raising kids again!” I guess there are no 100% guarantees.
There’s a change in sexual arousal and desire that can feel very abnormal and unfamiliar if you were someone who had a satisfactory sex life. Once shifts like this occur, it requires working through emotional disappointment, fear, and even avoidance behaviors in order to find your way back to a joyful sex life with a changing body.
Depression and Anxiety
I help women redefine their emotions and desires by processing their negative beliefs about all these changes, so they can get really honest about what’s really happening and make changes. When women feel discouraged, or start changing behaviors so that they don’t have to feel embarrassed, experience physical pain, or even disappointment when their body doesn’t respond like it used to…it’s time to let go of any shame and free themselves from old thoughts that get in the way of their self-esteem.
It requires self-compassion, a willingness to ask for what you need, and vulnerability to explore new and exciting ways to create intimacy. Those who are willing to seek help and feel their way through this process both physically and emotionally, are able to restore their sexual functioning and can continue living with a very satisfactory sex life. Yet, so many are too embarrassed to talk about these vulnerable aspects of the menopausal stage of life, and get stuck feeling isolated, alone, and disappointed.
Ladies…it’s time to take our lives back and not succumb to myths about what our future looks like. We have choice and the ability to address any barriers that get in the way of moving through this process with grace!