As we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr this week and move as a country toward the transition of leadership and power, I thought it would be important to write about the impact anger can have on an individual’s ability to find joy, peace, and contentment.
One of my favorite MLK quotes is:
“People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don’t know each other; they don’t know each other because they have not communicated with each other.”
I suggest you read that quote a few times and let it permeate your nervous system. Allow yourself to feel your way through whatever comes up…and assess how your own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are influenced by an underlying fear of what you don’t know.
Anger is part of the survival mechanism of human beings. When faced with a threat, both animals and humans either run away or attack. Anger fuels the attack, giving rise to the adrenaline needed to fight or flight. But anger can also have the opposite effect and lead to our ultimate demise. Too much anger can lead to very unhealthy coping mechanisms and leave you feeling resentful and discouraged.
MLK spoke about love and peace. Despite all the injustices he experienced he believed that unification required love. He said:
“A riot is the language of the unheard.”
How applicable is that in our current circumstances. Regardless where you fall politically, the polarization exists because both sides feel there is an injustice taking place. Both sides feel unheard. The feeling of being unheard can certainly lead to a sense of powerlessness. Powerlessness feeds the need for control and to assert ourselves…often in ways that are outside of our values.
Self Check
So I’m asking you to perform a self-check and recognize what lives inside you during this stressful time. MLK said:
“Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.”
The old adage no one can MAKE you feel anything, is actually true! Yes, people may trigger you, and you may feel upset when they do, but it’s actually your beliefs about the situation and your unconscious emotions that are really responsible for you feeling hurt, angry, or even not good enough.
What To Do
Take ownership of your emotions. When you get triggered, instead of blaming take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to calm down. Give yourself a few moments to get curious about what is happening and why you are triggered. Journal about your emotions as a way to discharge those toxic feelings from inside your body. Then take a moment to recognize what you have control over and what you don’t have control over. Make a decision to release the hold of anger for situations you can’t control. Instead, choose to do things for others, embrace self care, and even reflect on the wisdom of such a profound historical leader as Martin Luther King Jr.
“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”