In today’s corporate environment, many companies advertise Family Life Balance, but when it comes down to it…often there is a cost to choosing family life balance and the inferred cultural expectations required to advance in your career.
Years ago, I was a manager of a social work department in Southern California, and I remember having a distinct conversation with my Chief Nursing Officer who clearly asked me “Do you want a career in management or do you want to put your family first and remain line staff?” It was a moment that stuck with me and greatly impacted the career choices I made going forward.
When clients get stuck between choices that involve the time spent away from family and their desire to be with family, we often need to take a hard look at the values that are most important to them. While we might not always like the consequences, if we live outside of our values, something suffers for sure.
Take for instance a married man and father who gets offered a new position within this company with a pay raise. His initial expectation was that the job hours would be the same, but was quickly disillusioned when he discovered this was not the case. The new group norms included co-workers traveling for weeks at a time, often working extended days, and many individuals complained about their failed marriages.
When we identified the core values that mattered most, this gentleman was faced with a decision that was very difficult. It required courage to stand up for his beliefs and his family, despite any shaming comments from management about whether he was expecting preferential treatment. Yet it was also very clear that if he stayed, his anxiety would increase, and he would likely become resentful and angry at both his career and himself for not meeting his own expectations of a quality spouse and father.
Sometimes we chase the career and money but lose sight of the other important people and areas of our life that require attention. This is why every client I work with starts with a deep dive and understanding of the values that guide them. Then when they get stuck or find themselves in a place of emotional distress, we can look back at how true they were being to their values and what is being neglected.
Ultimately, only you can determine what is right for your emotional, physical, social, and spiritual wellness. I can tell you that neglecting the values that really matter in hope that you will have time for them later usually doesn’t end in your favor. Often, it’s too late to repair the damage left behind while chasing one value and ignoring the rest.
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