High Stimulation and Quick Fixes
In our fast paced world it is easier to look for the quick fix when it comes to anxiety. In fact, I am seeing an increase in anxiety numbers in both teens and young adults. Of course COVID had a huge impact on our lives, but this trend was occurring way before COVID was even a virus we worried about.
Yes, the increase in anxiety has been on the rise for some time. There are so many variables that contribute to the symptoms, but the one thing that is pretty consistent amongst individuals with anxiety, is the desire to run from the feelings rather than sit in the discomfort and work through them.
Successful Regulation
Often clients who struggle to sit still, or even breathe deeply are the ones who struggle the most. Their nervous system is in hypervigilant mode of fight or flight, and trying to calm it down seems like a very scary endeavor. For some, the need to feel safe overrides any logic and they can spin into behaviors in order to avoid the sensations, or create maladaptive coping strategies.
Learning to regulate a nervous system begins with co-regulation from a therapist or others in our life who can help us find peace, laughter, and safety. Learning to self-regulate can be difficult, but with time, individuals can learn to find ways to help themselves move up the polyvagal ladder to a place of safety and connection.
Secondary Gain
It’s not uncommon for individuals to have a subconscious secondary gain for their behavior. When there is a particular fear that someone wants to avoid, anxiety can be a great shield that protects them from dealing with their fears. For example, the fear of being alone, rejected, too much, unlikeable, or failing might be so high that the individual creates a barrier that becomes a way to avoid walking into the feelings and or working to overcome the fear.
Other secondary gains of anxiety can help individuals get what they want by staying in their comfort zone without anyone questioning them, and prevent them from having to justify any inappropriate behaviors around their friends.
Not on Purpose
Please keep in mind that people with anxiety don’t do any of this purposefully. In fact they have no intention of manipulating others. The symptoms are very real, and all of this is happening subconsciously. However, it becomes a vicious cycle as the secondary gains of anxiety reinforces the anxiety itself.
Trouble begins when individuals start planning their whole life around their anxiety symptoms. They deny themselves opportunities for change, growth and relief. Especially when they can’t separate the anxiety from their identity. For many, it has become such a part of them that they become afraid to even think about letting it go.
If you or someone you know is suffering from anxiety, it’s time to seek help. You can absolutely learn to overcome anxiety! You can find out more about working with me by clicking here.