I’m writing this blog on the eve of the 2020 election which for many is considered to be one of the most important elections in our history. I’m sure you’d agree that 2020 has been a very difficult year with both COVID-19 and the polarization of our country leading up to November 3rd election.
By the time you read this blog article, the results will be in, and regardless how you feel about winning or losing, you will still need to be able to move forward and engage in conversations with people from the other side.
In Psychology Today’s November 2020 edition, author Jason Whiting PhD writes about how we are emotional and social creatures who form opinions based on our feelings and seek communion with others who feel the same way. Research finds that when people are presented information on complex topics, they agree with points that support their existing position and dismiss those that contradict it.
He goes on to explain that despite the complexity of life, we prefer simplicity and certainty. The political issues are loaded with ambiguity, complexity, and subjectivity, but we often boil it all down to the simple certainty: “Everything my side says is true, and you’re an idiot if you don’t agree.” Social media has become a vehicle for slandering people’s character, intelligence, and human nature, if they have a differing opinion.
So how do we move forward?
Essentially, it requires you being clear on what you will or will not tolerate and setting boundaries to keep yourself emotionally safe. If your family can’t keep their opinions to themselves and you feel threatened, then either set boundaries for no political discussions at holiday events, or excuse yourself from the event all together. You should honestly express that you choose not to participate in negative political discussions that lead to further divides. Often, we want to make excuses for why we won’t be there rather than address the white elephant in the room.
You can’t change people, but you can change your behavior and protect yourself from further emotional stress or harm. If the people in your life can’t respect your boundaries, then you may need to evaluate how much time, if any, you will be devoting to spending with them. Friends that used to be close, may no longer be the people to take you through the next season of your life. It’s okay to give yourself permission to let go of people who do not support your emotional wellness.
Above all else, remember that we are all human, and that our country was created on the right to free speech. That doesn’t mean that you need to tolerate abuse, or stay in a conversation where you feel threatened, belittled, or discriminated against. Pay attention to your own biases and try to watch for signals in body language from others as well, to keep yourself in check.
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