Noticing Your Bias

Regardless of how hard we try, we all have biases and judgments.  We see it very strongly in today’s polarized world and the ongoing assumptions that are made by people with different beliefs. When our values are guiding us we see the world from our views.  When other people don’t fit that view, sometimes our own judgment gets in our way and skews our perspective and ability to have empathy.

Your Oikos Shapes You

Jim Rohn said that “we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.”  Therefore whatever your top 5 friends, acquaintances, or organizations you participate in believe, likely will influence your own thoughts. So what happens if you try to question or challenge the majority?  Are you seen?  Do you feel heard?

When Curiosity Isn’t Valued

Some of you have experienced the disapproving looks, glances, and even the lectures from well-meaning people in your lives.  In fact, there are many, including myself who have been told messages and given instructions to not question, or challenge authority figures.  Unfortunately, some of this is even found in organizations and groups you would like to hope would extend love and generosity to everyone.

Curiosity and Safety

In order to get curious and explore unfamiliar territory, we often need to expand our sphere of influence.  This includes increasing our awareness of persons from different ethnic groups, religious backgrounds, people with developmental disabilities, gender identity, and/or expression.  We cannot truly get vulnerable and curious in an environment that doesn’t support safety.  When our environment is experienced as judgmental, it’s not emotionally or even physically safe to speak up or express your opinion.  

When to Walk Away 

Personally, I have learned that I can no longer live in a space where being a chameleon in different settings and groups is warranted.  As I have faced my own familial experiences and walked into loving acceptance of 2 adult children who are part of the LGBTQ community, it required a deconstruction of religion as I knew it, and a greater journey into my faith and growth as a follower of teachings that were all about love, acceptance, and rejection of hypocrisy. 

Living Authentically 

When we come to a place in our life where living authentically becomes more important than being liked by everyone, we can start to live in peace.   I know there are people in my family and past religious affiliations that choose not to get curious about things that make them uncomfortable.  That’s okay.  I’ve learned to no longer judge them too.  They are allowed their opinion.  I just no longer need to subject myself, and/or my loved ones to abusive judgment in the name of something righteous.